Auti-Sim: A Lens into Autism for "Neurotypicals"?

An article published in the UK newspaper The Independent was recently brought to my attention. The article in question describes a computer "game" that is actually a simulation of what it is like to live with autism. 

More specifically, the program focuses on the sensory issues faced by people on the spectrum (light, sounds, and so on), and--going by the description in the article--exaggerates these features of the setting in the game (a playground) to give the user an idea of how the world looks from an autistic perspective.

After taking the time to consider the implications of such a "game," I have a few thoughts. On the one hand, this is a remarkable concept. For almost all my life, I have had to explain myself and what it is like to see the world through my eyes. Individuals on the spectrum are tasked with having to constantly explain ourselves to "neurotypicals," and this is especially daunting when you have difficulty verbally expressing yourself. 

For there to be something like this that could just give people a straight-up lens into my experiences could make a huge difference in extending compassion and assistance to people on the autism spectrum, especially less affected folks who often have a more difficult time getting help because we don't "look" like something is "wrong" with us.

On the other hand, however, this is also a dangerous concept, and one that could do a great disservice to people on the spectrum. There's a saying that goes "If you've seen one person with autism, you've seen one person with autism," and the same holds true for how each person is affected by their autism--some are more affected, some are less affected. 

To truly give the family members or loved ones of a person on the spectrum an idea of what it is like to have autism, you would need to specifically tailor this program to the issues of that individual, because "one size fits all" absolutely does not apply here. 

Another concern I have is that the creators are referring to this as a "game." For those of us on the spectrum, this is distinctly not a game; it's our lives, and what we go through on a daily basis. We can't hit pause, or mute, or turn it off when we don't want to deal with it anymore, and it worries me that neurotypicals who would try this would fall into that line of thinking. 

Also, oftentimes people on the spectrum are described as being "robotic," and it concerns me that a program like this would inadvertently give credence to the idea that we're somehow "not human"; that we're more like computers or machines, and thereby reinforcing that "otherness" and the accompanying stigma that we've all struggled with for so long.

Stepping back and looking at the bigger picture, I can see what the program's creators are trying to do. But I also think that the details are incredibly crucial, and such a program could end up being very problematic on certain levels. 

This program is a significant move in the right direction, and offers the potential to give non-spectrum people a window into autism, and could prove tremendously beneficial to families and individuals in their attempts to obtain appropriate services and supports. But it is far from perfect, and could certainly use a long list of disclaimers, addenda, footnotes, etc. to go along with it.

I Won't Go Back: The Sandy Hook Shootings and Asperger's Syndrome

Aurora, Colorado. Clackamas, Oregon. Newtown, Connecticut.

These three places have one thing in common: Each has been the site of a recent mass shooting. While the loss of life at each has been horrific, the massacre in Newtown has struck an especially raw chord, as it took place at Sandy Hook Elementary School. The gunman shot his way into the school, and several teachers, the school principal and psychologist, and--sadly--twenty young children, were left dead in his wake.

Almost immediately, people were scrambling for answers: Who was the shooter? How did he manage to bring several weapons into a school? Why would he commit such a heinous, despicable act? The media has been very quick to provide answers to these questions--though not necessarily the right or responsible ones. 

Within a day of the shooting, at least two major news outlets were speculating that the shooter--who turned the gun on himself--had some form of Asperger's Syndrome. So-called "experts" were trotted out onto programs such as Piers Morgan Tonight, and described Asperger's in the ill-informed fashion so typical of someone who does not know what they are talking about. 

Even with only this, the fear and paranoia have begun to build, and with them, a creeping terror in the pit of my stomach for what this will all ultimately mean for people living on the autism spectrum.

A few nights ago,  Linda Walder Fiddle, of the Daniel Jordan Fiddle Foundation, introduced me at the Hope Swings autism gala, where she was the invited honoree. During her acceptance speech, she referred to me as "one of the premier autism advocates in the country." 

Yet I am sitting here now, trying to make sense of the Connecticut shootings and the media's irresponsibility in characterizing the shooter as having Asperger's Syndrome, and despite Linda's glowing accolades...I am at a loss. As I wade through the jumble of disbelief, sadness, heartache, and a steadily growing sense of fear, there is only one thing that I know for certain:

I won't go back.

I won't go back to believing that I am the only person going through what I am going through.

I won't go back to being that voiceless, frightened girl who thought that she was nothing and would never be anything.

I won't go back to when words like autism and Asperger's Syndrome had no recognition, no meaning...no place in the world. 

Autism and Asperger's Syndrome do have meanings now...and that is what worries me. All too easily, a story on the news translates into frightened parents, children who believe their AS peers are killers, and a stigma that can never be fully shaken. All too easily, children and adults on the spectrum--traditionally far more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators--can become victims anew, all as the result of a crime committed by a person who in no way represents the overwhelming majority of people living on the autism spectrum.

If I truly am that person that Linda described me as, then my role in this becomes clear: 

I will fight. 

 
I will stand up and speak out for as long as it takes to ensure that no person on the spectrum is unjustly marginalized, disenfranchised, railroaded, or otherwise bullied by a society that wants to demonize us. 

I have to, because there is no other option. There's no reversing course, no shuttering us away in the dank institutions of the past....no undoing the work that so many of us have done.

I won't go back. 

...Will you?